Eddy Stone and the Alien Cat Attack Page 12

  “Oh dear,” said the first voice.

  “Human beings,” Eddy continued. “Because we may not be perfect. We make mistakes and we get things wrong. But we do our best and we’re funny and we dream our dreams and we try not to mess things up. And I reckon that makes us as special as you can get.”

  “Finished?” said the third voice.

  “I hope so,” said the second voice.

  “That was one of the worst presentations I have ever seen,” said the first voice. “It is quite clear that there is nothing special about this planet. It’s not even as good as ordinary. The water is quite wasted on you. Much better to let the Malvalians have it and share it round the universe where it can do some good.”

  “And make them a vast profit,” said Thursday.

  “That’s nothing to do with us,” said the first voice.

  “But—” said Eddy.

  “But nothing,” said the first voice. “You had your chance.”

  “Time for dinner,” said the second voice. “I couldn’t just have another of those pies before we go, could I? To tide me over.”

  “You’ve got a nerve,” said Henry. He stuck his hand under his jumper and blew a loud, fruity armpit fart. “There’s my answer.”

  “Go and have your dinner and I hope it makes you sick,” said Eddy.

  “One moment,” said the first voice. “We want to hear that again.”

  “Which bit,” said Eddy. “The part about being sick?”

  “Not you,” said the voice. “The one with the pie. What did you just do?”

  “What, this?” said Henry. He stuck his hand up his jumper again, and let out another armpit fart.

  “Extraordinary,” said the first voice.

  “Remarkable,” said the third voice.

  “That’s nothing,” said Henry, breaking into a quick burst of “Happy Birthday”.

  Muttering came from the purple cloud. Sparks of lightning flashed through it.

  And then…

  “Unique,” said the second voice. “We know of no other creature in the entire universe that can make sound in that way. You do have a special ability after all.”

  “Does that mean Earth is saved?” said Eddy. “That you have changed your minds?”

  “No, of course not,” said the first voice. “This place is still a complete dump. However, we will recommend that as your species is of special interest, some of you are transferred to a space zoo before the planet is destroyed.”

  “A zoo?” said Eddy. “But we were in a place like that. We had to get away from it right at the start of all this.”

  “Well there you are, then,” said the first voice. “Ask them if they will have you back. All sorted.”

  “And you had better get a move on,” said the second voice. “I heard that the Malvalian pillaging fleet is on its way, and they are going to start extracting the water tomorrow.”

  And with that the purple cloud drifted apart and disappeared.

  “They were not very nice,” said Millie. “So what do we do now?”

  “I’m sorry,” said Eddy. “I’ve messed up. The painting. The elephant. Everything.”

  “Hey,” said Thursday, “you tried.”

  “And it wasn’t good enough,” said Eddy. “And now the Malvalian fleet is arriving tomorrow to steal the water and I don’t know what to do next. But I’m not going back to the cage on the Malvalian ship like the Council said we should. I’m not running away in the podule and leaving all my family and my friends here. Why wouldn’t anyone listen to us? Why do we have to do this on our own?”

  “We’re not on our own,” said Thursday. “We’re together. All of us here. And maybe we can still think of a way to save the planet.”

  “Hurray!” said Millie.

  “Though I have to warn you that no one has ever stopped a Malvalian Pillaging Fleet once it arrived,” Thursday continued.

  “That’s not a great way to begin,” said Henry.

  “Then let’s begin with what Drax has got everyone doing down in Tidemark Bay,” said Eddy. “Professor – he’s making people build a huge wall of shiny things around the harbour. You’re a scientist. Have you any idea what it could be?”

  “I suspect they are planning to use a hyper-energy pulse beam from their spacecraft,” the Professor’s voice boomed from Millie’s stomach. “They need the reflecting wall round the harbour to focus its energy out onto the sea. The seawater would boil up into the air and form clouds, which the Malvalians would shrink and load into their cargo ships.”

  “What would happen if we tried to destroy the reflector wall?” said Eddy. “I suppose the Malvalians would just be able to fight us off. Space aliens always have mega-powered ray guns and laser torpedoes and stuff like that.”

  “No weapons on foreign planets,” said Thursday. “It’s against Intergalactic Law. And Malvalians don’t break the law. They don’t need to. Not when they can hypnotize their victims to do exactly what they want.”

  “So if we could destroy the reflector wall,” said Eddy, “that would stop them. But we’d have to find a way to get past the guards. All those cats. All those claws.”

  “Sure you could stop them,” said Thursday, “but only this time. They would just rebuild. A stronger wall. And more guards. The water is too valuable for them to fly away and leave it. Beating them once isn’t enough. The only way they will give up is if they think they will never win. We have to make them believe they have lost before they start.”

  “We’ve got to come up with a plan,” said Eddy.

  “Huh. Plans,” said Henry. “You know what they say about those. The best laid plans of mice and men often end up in a right old mess.”

  “Do mice make plans?” said Millie.

  “You don’t have to help,” Eddy said to Henry. “If you don’t think we will be able to come up with a way to save the planet.”

  “I’m just saying,” said Henry. “Of course I’ll help.”

  “Right,” said Eddy. “We’ve got to work it out tonight. If we just try hard enough, I’m sure we can think of something.”

  “I can’t think of anything,” said Eddy.

  He was sitting in the podule surrounded by crumbs of burned pastry from the pies that had been supper. Henry sat next to him, occasionally playing snatches of tunes on his armpit. Thursday was halfway up a wall, hanging upside down. Millie lay dozing, hugging Horaceboris tight.

  “I can’t do this,” Eddy said. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. They were aching with tiredness. He wished he could sleep, but his brain was racing, trying to come up with a plan. Trying – but failing.

  “It was hard enough having to take care of Millie,” he said, “but trying to look after the whole world…it’s too much!”

  Millie stirred in her sleep.

  “Hero Hound,” she mumbled. “He’ll help. Nothing can beat him.”

  “I wish,” said Eddy. “But we all know he’s just a story.”

  “Yes,” said Henry. “Unless you are a Malvalian.”

  “What?” said Eddy.

  “You remember,” said Henry. “The Malvalians think everything on the telly is real. What was it you told them about Hero Hound? He’s got superpowers and he’s…”

  “Strong and brave and nothing can stop him,” said Eddy. “That’s what they say at the end of the programme every week. Henry, you’re a genius.”

  “No one’s ever called me that before,” said Henry.

  “I bet,” said Thursday. “What are you talking about?”

  “Hero Hound,” said Eddy. “He’s a dog in a story. He fights baddies and he always wins. And the Malvalians think he’s real. Well we’re going to make him real. We’re going to make them believe that they can never beat him.”

  He snatched up Millie’s pad of paper and crayons. “We can make this work.”

  Eddy woke with a start. The sun was streaming in through the podule’s windows.

  Morning. He had sat late into the night,
plotting with Henry, Thursday and the Professor (who had kept his voice down to avoid waking Millie), scribbling ideas and putting together a plan to stop the Malvalians, and make them believe that they would never be able to steal the Earth’s water.

  It was laid out in front of him now, written in coloured crayons. All eighteen steps of it. The plan had seemed clear last night, but this morning he wasn’t so sure. He didn’t know if it was too complicated. Or too difficult. Or too crazy. But one thing he did know – it was all they had.

  THE PLAN. STEP 1 –

  GATHER ALL THE THINGS WE NEED

  “Here is all the money that I’ve got left from my Christmas present fund,” Eddy said to Henry. “Your first job is to get down to Saltburn Sands and buy as much fish as you can. You should be able to get quite a lot with that cash. And remember, everybody, the Malvalian fleet is on its way today, so there is no time to lose.”

  “Got you,” said Henry.

  Eddy stuffed the last of the meat and potato pies into his backpack, pulled his Christmas bobble hat on, and headed off to Tidemark Bay, leaving Millie and Thursday in the podule.

  It had rained hard in the night, and the morning was bitingly cold. There was ice everywhere, which made Eddy’s walk slow and treacherous.

  “Lovely day,” he lied to the cat patrol, as he reached the edge of the town.

  There was no sign of any people. Everyone must already be at work down by the harbour. But the place was far from empty. There were cats everywhere, roaming freely, strolling down the middle of streets, and wandering in and out of houses where the doors had been left wide open.

  He passed a short row of shops. There were cats in the window of the butcher’s, chomping their way through a tray of steaks. And next door, in a clothes shop, a tabby was sitting on a fluffy pink jumper, happily kneading its paws and claws up and down and rapidly turning it into a pile of pink shreds.

  Eddy made his way home and walked in through the unlocked front door. He pulled a piece of paper from his pocket – a list of things that he needed for the plan. The kitchen was the first stop. He found the fridge open, and a fat grey cat rolling around on the floor in front of it with a chicken leg. The cat looked up at him for a moment, then got back to business, chewing and tearing into its treat.

  Eddy was about to shoo it out of the house, when he remembered that everyone else in Tidemark Bay was hypnotized, and no one was stopping the cats from doing what they wanted. He needed to pretend that he was just like them, or he would give himself away, so he left the cat alone and collected what he had written on his list:

  KITCHEN

  Bottle of washing-up liquid

  Portable radio

  Pepper grinder

  Drinking straws

  Forks (6)

  Then he went round the rest of the house, filling his backpack.

  BEDROOM

  Alarm clock

  Bag of marbles

  BATHROOM

  2 large towels

  Toothbrush

  FRONT ROOM

  Tinsel from Christmas decorations (lots)

  Sticky tape (in desk)

  CUPBOARD UNDER STAIRS

  Big spanners

  Hero Hound costume from box of samples

  Tennis ball

  BACK GARDEN

  Washing line

  That was the easy part done. He took a deep breath. Now for the hard bit. He went back out of the front door and stepped carefully along the icy pavement to the end of the street.

  There was no sign of life at Clifftop Cottage. Eddy peered through the frosty railings of the high fence. The big dog must be around somewhere. Maybe if he made just a little noise. Nervously, he pushed the handle on the front gate. There was a faint creak as the latch shifted.

  A second later Eddy jumped backwards as a huge black mass of paws and drool and snout hurled itself against the gate with an almighty thud. Eddy’s heart was thumping as if it was trying to break out through his ribs.

  Brutus stood on his hind legs, front paws against the gate, and looked down at Eddy.

  “Arf!” he said.

  “Hello, boy,” said Eddy, his voice tense and tight and weedy. He reached over his shoulder into his backpack, and pulled out one of Henry’s pies. “Look what I’ve got.” He tossed the pie over the gate.

  Brutus turned and pounced on it with a slavering grunt. The pie disappeared in one great mouthful, and the dog hurled himself at the gate again.

  “Arf!” But this time he sounded less like he wanted to have Eddy for his main course. His mouth flopped open, slobbering tongue lolling over his yellowing teeth.

  “Was that good?” said Eddy. “I bet a big boy like you would like another one, wouldn’t you?” He pulled a second pie from his backpack. His hand trembled as this time he reached forward and held it just out of reach. The dog pushed his snout between the bars and – UNGGGG! – snatched the pie, tossed his head back and gulped it down.

  “Arf!”

  “You like these, don’t you?”

  Brutus’s tail wagged. Eddy took out a third pie. He put it down on the ground in front of him. Then very slowly and very nervously he lifted the latch on the gate.

  Brutus bounded forward. The gate swung open and clanged against the fence as the dog pushed through and troughed down the pie. Then he looked up at Eddy, opened his great jaws…and licked Eddy’s hand.

  “You’re just a big softy, really, aren’t you?” said Eddy.

  “Arf!” Brutus agreed. His tail wagged again.

  “I bet you would like a walk now, hey?”

  Eddy pulled out the washing line, doubled it over and slipped it through Brutus’s collar. The dog bounded along excitedly as Eddy led him back towards the podule.

  THE PLAN. STEP 2 –

  GET AS MANY CATS AS POSSIBLE AWAY FROM GUARDING THE HARBOUR

  “Yes,” said Henry. “I’ve got it. I go to Tidemark Bay with my bags of fish. My job is to keep as many cats as I can away from the big reflector wall in the harbour. On my way there, wherever I see a bunch of cats hanging around, I chuck them something from the bags to keep them busy. When I reach the harbour, I use the rest of the fish to lure the cat guards as far away as I can. Then I find a place to hide and wait for you to turn up.”

  “We’re going to give you a thirty-minute start,” said Eddy. “And you will need this.” He wrapped a long strand of tinsel round and round Henry’s head, and secured it to his ears with sticky tape. “To stop you getting hypnotized. Good luck. And be careful on that ice.”

  Eddy, Millie and Thursday watched Henry head off down the frozen pavement towards Tidemark Bay.

  “And now we get ready for our part,” said Eddy.

  “Arf!” said Brutus. He had decided that these people who handed out pies were his new best friends. Millie fed him another one while Eddy fastened a Hero Hound cape round his chest. Thursday slipped a Hero Hound cap, packed with tinsel, over the dog’s head, and tied its strap under his jaw. Eddy added the black eyemask that completed the costume. The famous pawprint logo glinted gold in the pale winter sunlight.

  “He looks just like on the TV,” said Millie. “It’s Hero Hound – he’s superpowered and strong and brave and absolutely nothing can stop him.”

  “And that’s exactly what the Malvalians are going to think,” said Eddy.

  “I gotta hand it to you, kid, it’s a clever plan,” said Thursday. “As long as it works, of course. Otherwise it’s just complicated and crazy.”

  “It will work,” said Eddy. “It’s got to work. Hats on, Millie. It’s time to go.”

  Henry had almost competed his journey through Tidemark Bay. All along the way, the smell of the fish that he was carrying had attracted groups of cats. He had hurled handfuls of haddock and hake and herrings to them, and left them spitting and spatting over the best bits as he passed on down the road.

  Now he was approaching the harbour by a narrow back alley, keeping out of sight of any guards on lookout duty. He spread the l
ast of his fish out in front of a wooden fence, then crept through the shadows towards the great wall of mirrors and shiny objects. There were cats everywhere, prowling round the harbour, while the people of Tidemark Bay carried shiny objects to the final bare patch in the wall.

  Ducking into a doorway, Henry pulled a pair of kippers out of his jacket pocket, and waved them above his head, like a cheerleader with a whiffy pair of pompoms. The nearest cats looked round, noses twitching, then started to walk towards him to find the source of the smell. More cats followed, and more, until every cat stationed by the reflector wall left its post in search of food. As the leading cats drew near Henry threw the kippers back towards the fish that he had spread out. The wave of animals rushed past him, and pounced on the offering.

  Henry turned round to watch the harbour, ignoring the squabbling and squalling behind him, and waiting for Eddy to arrive.

  Give a cat a fish, and you feed it for a meal.

  Show a cat a man with bags full of fish, and it will follow him in search of seconds.

  Behind Henry’s back, cats that he had fed on his way through town were piling over the wooden fence into the alley, cats who had sniffed out his route and come looking for more, joining the crowd that had been tempted away from the reflector wall. Unseen by Henry, fifty cats became a hundred, the hundred became two hundred and kept growing.

  Eddy’s plan had been to get as many cats as possible away from the harbour. But instead, all it had done was to attract every cat in town towards it. They polished off the last of their meal, then sat and stared at Henry with greedy eyes.

  THE PLAN. STEP 3 –

  EDDY AND BRUTUS CHASE OFF ANY REMAINING CATS AND KEEP DRAX BUSY. HENRY, THURSDAY AND MILLIE SNEAK TO THE REFLECTOR WALL AND USE THE SPANNERS TO UNDO THE BOLTS HOLDING THE SCAFFOLDING TOGETHER.