Eddy Stone and the Alien Cat Attack Read online

  “Just trying to dry them off,” he called. “That wet ground is very bad for my feet.”

  Henry was sitting on a fallen tree trunk playing a slow tune on his armpit.

  Eddy pulled off his backpack and reached inside.

  “I brought you some chicken,” he said.

  “It’s not my favourite,” said Henry. “But I suppose it’s better than nothing.”

  “I can tell your head is better,” said Eddy. “You’re not saying everything is lovely any more.”

  “What about my head?” said Henry, chewing on a chicken leg. “I don’t remember anything being wrong.”

  “So, kid,” said Thursday, climbing down the tree trunk. “What’s the news?”

  “The town is in a mess,” said Eddy. “Everyone’s hypnotized. Drax is in charge – he’s calling himself Ginger Tom. And he’s got the real cats on his side. And they are building something in the harbour. I don’t know what. But we got some photos.”

  “I got some photos,” said Millie. She handed the phone back to Eddy. “See. I did not break it. And that will wipe off.”

  “What is it?” said Eddy.

  “It smells like yoghurt. Strawberry, I think,” said Millie.

  “How on Earth did yoghurt get all over my phone?”

  “I don’t know,” said Millie. “It’s just a mystery.”

  Eddy rubbed the worst of it off on his coat sleeve and scanned through the photos.

  “I was a very clever spy,” said Millie. “I pretended I was just doing selfies.”

  “But these are just selfies,” said Eddy. Millie leaned across to look at the screen.

  “I look nice in that one, don’t I?” she said.

  “Never mind that,” said Eddy, flicking through the pictures. “Ah, here’s one. You can just see a bit of the harbour construction over your shoulder. Thursday?” Eddy held out the phone to him. “Do you know what this is?”

  “Sure,” said Thursday. “It’s that primitive communication machine you were using earlier.”

  “No,” said Eddy. “In the picture. Behind her shoulder.”

  “Beats me,” said Thursday. “But it’s something.”

  “I wonder if there are any better pictures,” said Eddy. “Oh. It’s stuck. The phone won’t do anything.”

  “I did not break it,” said Millie. “It was the yoghurt.”

  “Well at least we’ve got one picture that we can show,” said Eddy. “And you can see that something weird is happening down at the harbour. There’s a police station in the next town – Saltburn Sands. I think it’s time to go down there and show them our evidence. They won’t be able to ignore us now.”

  Sergeant Frank Constable loved the days before Christmas. He loved the fact that he could put a fir tree on the front desk in the Saltburn Sands police station, and decorate it with little flashing blue lights, and top it off with a fairy dressed in full police uniform and waving a magic truncheon. He loved the way that everyone was so full of festive spirits that they forgot all about doing the sort of things that meant he had to arrest them. He loved how this gave him all the time he wanted to put his feet up and look through catalogues for garden sheds and decide which one he was going to treat himself to when he retired next summer.

  In short, he loved the fact that it was so much quieter and calmer and lazier than the rest of the year.

  Usually.

  But not today.

  Today, he had been getting cranky phone calls from people in Saltburn Sands all through his lunch break. Calls about noises in the woods that led down towards Tidemark Bay. Calls about a big shambling grey-blue figure seen through the trees – one said it was a yeti, one a big ape, and one a giant furry bathmat on legs. He knew that if he made the effort to go and have a look all he would find was someone out for a walk in a shaggy jumper. Or a big dog. These sorts of reports always turned out to be a big dog or a shaggy jumper. Except that one time when it was a big dog in a shaggy jumper.

  And now, just as he was settling down to admire some very attractive sheds that looked like old railway carriages, the police station door rattled open and in strode a boy with a bulging backpack, a man in a tattered army uniform with most of a roast chicken in his hand, and a sweet little moppet in a pink princess dress carrying an ugly cuddly toy. Sergeant Constable feared the worst – this could mean that he was going to have to do something.

  The moppet stomped up to the counter, and slapped something heavy and metallic down on it.

  FLUMP! went her stomach.

  “Ooh, pardon,” said the moppet.

  Sergeant Constable eyed the metal thing curiously. It appeared to be a door handle. A door handle very like the one on the front door of the police station.

  “It did fall off,” said the moppet.

  Very like it indeed.

  “Is that my door handle?” said Sergeant Constable.

  “It might be,” said the moppet. “If your door handle does need mending.”

  “I’ll have to write a report on that,” said Sergeant Constable.

  “I did not break it,” said the moppet. “But what would happen if somebody had?”

  “Never mind that,” said Eddy.

  “It’s no good saying never mind,” said Sergeant Constable. “That’s police property, that is.”

  “We need to talk about something much more important,” said Eddy. “We’re here to report an emergency.”

  “Oh dear,” said Sergeant Constable. “I was afraid that you might be. Go on then. If you must.”

  “He’ll never believe you,” said Henry, through a mouthful of chicken. “Not in a million years.”

  “We’ve been invaded,” said Eddy.

  “Who has?” said Sergeant Constable.

  “Tidemark Bay. The world. We need to tell someone.”

  “I see,” said Sergeant Constable. “Don’t you think that if we were being invaded we’d have heard it on the news?”

  “We are the news,” said Eddy. “This is how news starts. Something happens, and someone reports it.”

  “Man!” said Millie. “Listen!”

  “It’s an alien,” said Eddy. “We’ve been invaded by an alien from space.”

  “An alien,” Sergeant Constable said slowly. “Ay. Lee. En,” he repeated. Even more slowly.

  “It probably sounds ridiculous,” said Eddy.

  “Well that’s the first sensible thing you’ve said since you came in,” said Sergeant Constable. “And you’re not the first to report this. Take my word for it – it will just be a shaggy pullover. Or a big dog.”

  “What are you talking about?” said Eddy.

  “I’ve been getting calls,” said Sergeant Constable. “This alien you think you’ve seen. You’re going to tell me that it’s big and bluey-grey and wandering in the woods, aren’t you?”

  “No,” said Eddy. “It’s nothing like that. I mean, there is a big bluey-grey alien wandering in the woods, yes. It looks just like that cuddly toy that my cousin is carrying, only much much bigger. But that’s not the one we need to worry about right now. The one we need to worry about is small and ginger and looks like a cat.”

  “Do you know that it is a serious offence to waste police time?” said Sergeant Constable.

  “What can you see in this photo?” said Eddy, thrusting his phone towards the policeman.

  “Her,” said Sergeant Constable, pointing to Millie.

  “Behind her,” said Eddy.

  “Nothing,” said Sergeant Constable. “The screen’s gone blank. I think your phone has died.”

  “Naughty yoghurt,” said Millie.

  “I told you he wouldn’t believe you,” said Henry. “And I was right.”

  “But it is true,” said Millie. “There is a spaceship and trees that run away and robots and things that suck worms and it is not really a cat it is like a big orange octopus dressed in a cat body.”

  “You’re starting to annoy me. Now run along and stop bothering me with this nonsense,”
said Sergeant Constable. “I don’t know – first it’s one alien, then it’s two aliens…”

  “And now it’s three aliens,” said Thursday, suddenly poking his head out of Eddy’s backpack, where he had been hiding from view and keeping his feet dry. “And this alien thinks you need to start listening to what these guys are telling you.”

  “That policeman can move ever so fast for an old person, can’t he?” said Millie.

  The speed with which Sergeant Constable had reacted to Thursday’s unexpected appearance was, indeed, impressive. As was the distance that he had covered in jumping on top of the filing cabinet. From a standing start.

  “What,” said Sergeant Constable in a quivering voice, pointing a quivering finger, “is that?”

  “Yeah, yeah,” said Thursday. “And I’m charmed to meet you, too.”

  “He’s here to help,” said Eddy. “To save the planet.”

  “And he’s really an…um…” said Sergeant Constable from on top of the filing cabinet.

  “Alien,” said Eddy. “Yes, he is.”

  “See,” said Millie. “I told you to listen.”

  “I don’t get the – I mean it’s not – just what is going on here?” said Sergeant Constable.

  “At last,” said Eddy. “We’re getting through to you. So here is what is happening. We’re being invaded. Everyone in Tidemark Bay has been hypnotized, and they are building something that must be part of the alien’s plan to steal all the water. That’s the cat alien’s plan. Not this alien in my backpack. Or the bluey-grey alien in the woods. Are you with me so far?”

  “Ummm,” said Sergeant Constable. Which was pretty good considering how much he was trying to take in at once.

  “We need to tell someone important about it so they can stop it before it’s too late.”

  “I don’t know,” said Sergeant Constable. “I mean, I can’t go ringing my Chief Inspector just like that to tell him there’s a thing in your backpack and—”

  “The name’s Thursday Cornflake,” said Thursday.

  “That is not going to help,” said Sergeant Constable. “I need to think what to do.”

  “Climbing down off the filing cabinet would be a good start,” said Henry.

  “Off the…? Oh, yes,” said Sergeant Constable, slithering to the ground with a bump. “And then I’d better come down to Tidemark Bay and take a look with my own eyes. If I’m going to tell the Chief, I’ll need to know what I’m talking about. I’ll just get my notebook.”

  “If you’re going to come down, you’ll need this was well,” said Eddy. He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a long strand of silver tinsel. “Wind it round your hat – it will protect you from being hypnotized.”

  “Tinsel round my hat?” said Sergeant Constable. “But I’ll look ridiculous. If anyone sees me they’ll…ohh! Wait just one minute. I get it. I know what you are up to. As soon as I step outside that door looking like something that fell off a Christmas tree, one of your mates will be snapping away, and before you can say ‘Guilty as charged’ my picture will be all over the interweb and everyone will be laughing at me, won’t they?”

  “No,” said Eddy. “What are you talking about?”

  “This whole thing,” said Sergeant Constable, “the phone calls about the creature in the woods, all that – it’s just a wind-up, isn’t it? Just to get a picture of me with a sparkly head.”

  “You’ve got to believe us,” said Eddy.

  “Very funny. You know, you nearly had me there. But the joke’s over now. You’re rumbled, sunshine. Let it go,” said Sergeant Constable. “Hang on. I know you, don’t’ I? You’re the lad from the pet fancy-dress place. Me and the wife were down there a couple of weeks ago buying a Hero Hound outfit for her sister’s poodle. Oh, yes, now I’ve got it – that thing in your backpack – it’s just some dog in one of your hideous Halloween costumes, isn’t it? How do you do the voice then? Ventriloquism, is it?”

  “What is this clown gabbling on about?” said Thursday.

  “I have to admit, you’re very good,” said Sergeant Constable. “When you said that, I couldn’t see your lips moving at all.”

  “It’s all real,” said Eddy.

  “You’ve given me a right good laugh,” said Sergeant Constable. “Really livened up the day. But you’d better run along now.”

  “No. They are going to destroy the Earth.”

  “That’s N – O – W…now,” said Sergeant Constable. “Because I’ve got a load of paperwork to get through.” He eyed the pile of shed brochures. “Unless you want me to round off the joke by locking you up.”

  “I was right, after all,” said Henry.

  “You’re making a terrible mistake,” said Eddy.

  “Happy Christmas!” said Sergeant Constable. “Shut the door on your way out, would you?”

  “I can’t shut it,” said Millie. “I told you – it did break.”

  They stomped outside. The light was beginning to fade as the early winter evening closed in. The day was getting gloomy. And so was Eddy.

  “What are we going to do now,” he said, “if no one is going to believe us and no one is going to help?”

  “I guess there’s always the Galactic Conservation Council,” said Thursday. “If you can show them that this planet is something special, they have the power to order the Malvalians to stop what they are doing.”

  “What is costivation?” said Millie.

  “It means keeping things as they are,” said Eddy. “Not spoiling them. Nature and animals and stuff. We learn about it at school. Why didn’t you tell us about this council before?”

  “You only go to the Galactic Conservation Council when you have run out of other ideas,” said Thursday. “They don’t like coming out on planet inspections. They think they are even more important than they are – which is kind of hard to imagine. And they are very, very hard to convince. Most planets don’t even come close. And if you fail, it’s over. No second chances. It’s going to be difficult.”

  “Right now I’ll take difficult,” said Eddy. “As long as it gives us a chance.”

  “Then I’ll put in a call,” said Thursday. He waggled his antennae. “If I can get a signal on this planet. Hold on.”

  He scuttled up the side of the police station. “That’s better,” he said. “The message to the Council is on its way.”

  “So what do we do now?” said Eddy.

  “We wait for them to call back,” said Thursday. “It could take a while. Especially if they are having dinner.”

  It did take a long time for the Galactic Conservation Council to call back. They still hadn’t done it by nightfall. Eddy, Millie, Henry and Thursday finished what was left of the chickens for supper. Eddy didn’t want to risk going home to sleep, because he was worried that if he rolled over in bed and his bobble hat came off, by morning he would be hypnotized just like his parents. So they all bedded down in the podule. Except for Thursday, who bedded up, hanging from the ceiling.

  Eddy couldn’t sleep. His head was full of worries. And the noises didn’t help. Henry was snoring steadily, and Millie’s tummy kept rumbling and grumbling and making strange whistling noises so loudly that he was surprised it didn’t wake her up. He hoped that this wasn’t a sign that the Liquoid professor that she had glugged down was going to make her ill.

  When sleep finally came to Eddy, it brought weird dreams.

  A ginger cat was sitting on the edge of the harbour in Tidemark Bay, sucking up the water through a long drinking straw. With every suck the water level dropped, and the cat got fatter and rounder. Eddy tried to reach round it and grab the straw, but the monster cat kept growing extra paws that pushed him away, prodding at his ribs and—

  “Wake up!”

  – digging into his chest and –

  “Come on, kid, wake up!”

  – and poking him in the stomach –

  “We’ve got to get moving!”

  – and his eyes were open and Thursday was sta
nding beside him and nudging him and saying, “I got the call back from the Council. It’s time to get to work.”

  “Here’s what happens now,” said Thursday a few moments later, when Millie and Henry had joined him and Eddy outside the podule. “To save the planet you have to choose three things to show to the Galactic Conservation Council to prove that the place is special.”

  “Just three?” said Eddy.

  “Just three,” said Thursday. “They don’t give you long to impress them.”

  “But there’s so much planet,” said Eddy. “How do we choose?”

  “Quickly would be good,” said Thursday. “The Council will be here this afternoon. You got just over five hours. And I got to warn you, the galaxy is a pretty spectacular place. I’ve seen things you tubies wouldn’t believe. Giant crystal mountains that cast rainbows across the whole sky. Plants that chime like bells when the breeze blows. Make sure you choose something very special.”

  “I don’t know where to start,” said Eddy. “The Amazon rainforest? The pyramids? The Eiffel Tower?”

  “I have no idea what those are,” said Thursday. “But if you like them, fine. Just make sure you bring them here in time.”

  “We have to bring them here? Well then they are no good,” said Eddy. “We’ll have to pick something else. What about – oh, I don’t know.”

  “Three things is one each,” said Henry. “And I choose – pie.”

  “Pie?” said Eddy.

  “Meat and potato,” said Henry. “The greatest of all the pies. And let me tell you, if there’s one thing I found out during my years in that zoo, it’s that aliens can’t cook. So if you want to impress them, I reckon a really good pie is the thing to do it.”

  “I’ve got one,” said Millie. “A ephelant.”

  “An elephant?” said Eddy.

  “That’s what I said,” said Millie. “It is very special and it has a trunk. So I choose it.”

  “Where do you think we are going to find an elephant?” said Eddy.